Why adults have extramarital affairs?
Speak about a loaded topic that no one wants to speak about, this is it. Funny thing, married dating have been going on from millennium. Affairs can be filled with problems, cause sadness, and other troubles. Also you should wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness issue, finances, age difference, spiritual upbringing, guilt, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this article I should define an affair as a long term, maybe decades long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, date married woman.
Why do men have extramarital affairs? There are as many answers as there are seek affair. I suppose mainly though it is just the human state, the need for affection, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and cherished. Here are a several reasons I have run across.
Biologically we as human beings are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasant and fun, and sex makes us escape the world for a short period of time. This euphoria exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Someone can turn the craving on and off, some are excellent at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the chase. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the love for another individual, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These desires and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos the world has erected against extramarital affairs. For many people the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the fury of not only their family, but society as well. So why, what is the means?
Sex Addicts, maybe some of us are. Sex is very pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically driven sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not hurt your relatives or anybody else? You would need to lessen the danger you are taking. If you have the feeling that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everybody, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the biggest cluster, enormous truly. There are many couples whose marriage is over, but they are comfy in the manner they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Also there are the children to think about. Your funds are so entangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to stay together besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical reasons that stop them completing the sex act, at least not with their spouse. An extra-marital affair at times solves the problem while keeping the marriage uharmed.
Avoidance, sorrowfully this is a common reason I fear. One or the other, usually the guy is sexually neglecting his spouse for a large humber of reasons. As a man I really appreciate you guys neglecting your wives and making them available to us males of romance, making them “lonely wives” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just omitted in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Probably its romance that is missing, maybe it is a lack of love, maybe caring is not here, maybe it is the closeness, could be neglect. Maybe we have just grown separately, our general interests diverged. Maybe it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is opposite of what you want. Could be I simply don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they search for the excitement that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to run away, for financial gain, for vengeance and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.